Wednesday, February 22, 2006
So, with the help of the great and powerful Noz, I can show you what I would look like if I were a Simpson's character. Please note, my real hair is MUCH nicer.
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
So, last night I had yet another appointment with my personal trainer, Scott, so that he could design another program for me. This is the third of such programs and they are getting progressively harder. But, I’m a warrior.
Anyway, Scott put me on a contraption aimed at building the muscles in the small of my back. I have to secure my legs and suspend the top half of my body so that I am basically hanging off the thing face to the floor. Then, I have to raise my body up until I am straight, repeatedly. While doing this exercise I noticed that there is a lot of butt clinching involved.
You can imagine that the butt clinching concerned me. I just got my butt. It’s brand-spanking new. I am very proud of it and I talk about it all the time. It is still very little, but it’s there and I have been waiting thirty years to welcome it. Anyway, I asked my trainer if I had anything to worry about, “Scott”, I said, “Scott, I just got my butt and I noticed that in that last exercise I do a lot of butt clinching…” At this point Scott began laughing at me even though this is serious business. So, I continued, “I do a lot of butt clinching and I am worried that I will loose the little butt that took me all this time to make. This is the butt that you built” Scott assured me that the clinching is good and will help in my booty creation.
Folks, what I am out to do here is grow a “B Donka Donk” (also spelled B Donkadonk, both are acceptable). For those of you who did not rent the Dave Chappelle season 2 DVD just look it up on Urbandictionary.com. I started by just politely asking 15% of the fat that grows on my belly to just please grow on my bumb, but that wasn’t working so I had to take action. I am working hard, so wish me luck in my fight for a butt. The battle rages on.
Monday, February 20, 2006
So, yesterday I learned an important lesson about Skype. While waiting for my friend Vijay to sign in, I set my profile to “Skype me” with the little smiley face. Like a moron, I thought only the people I have listed as my contacts would be able to see that little smiley face. I was wrong. A few minutes after I signed on, someone I thought to be my sister contacted me. Wrong again.
As it turns out, the “Skype me” setting signals to all those in the Skype universe that you are ready to talk. In a flash I have become part of a worldwide movement. Next thing you know, I would be Skyped by 17 year-old girls from Iran telling me what it is really like to be on the US hit list.
Alas, my stranger Skype conversation was nothing of the sort. I was contacted by a Turkish guy named Ozan who has no clue what is going on in the world as the news “doesn’t interest” him. OK… He is studying to be a professor in international finance and wants to practice his English.
This time we just messaged, we didn’t actually talk as that’s what I had Vijay for.
In all seriousness, I really do love this kind of thing. If I have a couple hours to kill and someone living across the world wants to have a conversation with me, so be it. When am I ever going to have the chance to chat with a Turkish guy who is actually in Turkey … wait, I guess I’ll have a number of chances now that he knows how to contact me on Skype.