Friday, March 18, 2005
So, there is a good chance that I will never be cool. I mean never ever.
Last night I went to a party, and I was there to dance. The party was great, the crowd was there to have a good time as was I. This guy even challenged to a dance off in the middle of the floor. Boy did we cut a rug. Dare I say it? We drew a crowd.
Anyway, that is not why I’m un-cool. I am not cool because while walking into the party I spotted the cute boy who put me on the guest list. We’ll call him Capitan Attractivo. Well, Captain Attractivo was standing beside the woman working the guest list. I took one look at the Capitan and said “Hi” and that was it. Clearly, I was mesmerized by him as I stood there like a fat cat sitting on a couch watching TV. I wanted to make the two steps toward him to give him a little kiss on the cheek. There were literally two steps between us and I couldn’t move. I couldn’t will my legs to move. I was dumnfounded and frozen. “Name please” said the woman behind the counter. I looked at her, looked at him, looked at her, looked at him and said nothing. My tongue must have fallen right out of my mouth. He had to flip the pages of the guest list to find my name and cross it off. He had to do it because I couldn’t say my own name!
What’s a girl to do?
Thursday, March 17, 2005
So, at the trade show on the weekend, I had my posture checked by a licensed professional. She was either a chiropractor or a podiatrist, I’m not sure which. Actually, I am pretty sure she was a chiropractor. Anyway, they – the chiropractor and her assistant – put me through a battery of tests. As it turns out, it is a miracle that I am still walking. First they assessed how evenly I distribute my weight to each leg. Not evenly at all, according to their two scales (there is nothing like getting weighed in public). Their instruments told me that I carry 11 more pounds on my left leg than I do on my right. This is amazing to me. I always figured that my left side was so much weaker, but in reality is it suffering under 11 extra pounds.
Then they measured the tension in my neck. Amazingly, exhausted and trapped at a trade show in Ottawa in MARCH, I was showing some tension in the top of my neck, which would explain why my left arm feels funny sometimes as the circulation is being effected my a pinched something or other causing a blockage of some sort to ventricular something.
The third test was to see how straight my shoulders, solar plexes and hips. She told me that my shoulders and solar plexes are perfectly straight. AWESOME! But my hips are a little off – I have one leg slightly longer than the other, like everyone else. It’s my left leg.
For the final test she had me walk along this inked pad to see how I planted my feet on the floor. I already knew about my feet – I wear insoles. Anyway, the arch on my left foot is not very…”archie”. I think that is the technical term.
So, while to look at me, I am perfectly normal. It seems that the left side of my body is a total mess.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005
It has been a while since I've written. I was trapped at a trade show in Ottawa. That's right, Ottawa + Trade Show + March. Does that sound exciting or what?
I was there with my sister. She and I are almost complete opposites. I realized that while we both get grumpy, it is at very different times. I wouldn't classify myself as a morning person, per se, but I am generally pleasant in the morning and not angry at the day for arriving. My sister, on the other hand, is about as personable as an angry raccoon in the AM. She then becomes lesser degrees of touchy as the day wears on.
At night, if it is past my bed time and I am very tired, I get really pissy and easily irritated. Every rose has it's thorn, I guess. Except I am all thorn, no rose at about 11:15pm after a hard day. My sister can be exhausted and she will still have the patience of a kindergarten teacher. I don't know how she does it.
Anyway, the trade show was boring and Ottawa was alright. We had some good food and visited a good friend.
I should say that I have noticed one similarity between us. In conversation, I think we both sometimes talk as if we are explaining things to people who already know exactly what we are talking about. She does it more than I do, but still, I will try to stop myself.
OK, it is time I introduced a new feature to the blog - well, the only feature - Freak of the Week. Here, I will highlight the freak shows I encounter in my daily life. This week, I want to tell you about an older man I saw at the trade show. This sexy senior clearly biked to the trade show. He seems real proud of his physique. He walked around, in public in nothing but an electric blue unitard. That's right, he was stuffed head to toe into an extremely tight biking outfit that left NOTHING to the imagination. It was lovely.