Friday, February 11, 2005
So, I was just chatting with a work colleague who just told me that he recently learned that the end of the world will be Sept. 9th 2040. You heard it here first.
8:12am remember that time. That's when the most attractive streetcar driver I have ever seen pulls up to the stop right near my house. What was my big move? I stared at him shamelessly from the corner after I stepped off the streetcar.
It's not 9:02am and my boss and I made a deal to be here at 8:30 to get something done. He's nowhere to be found. I was here at 8:45, so I was late as well. Good planning on my part.
Thursday, February 10, 2005
Last night I kicked a guy in the head. It was an accident, and it wasn't very hard, but I kicked him none the less. During my capueria class we were doing about six trillion cartwheels and that's when it happened. It's a good thing I was wearing my running shoes, normally I don't wear them. If I wasn't my bare foot would have slapped him on the top of his really sweaty head, which would have been real gross.
In a funny coincidence, about a year or so ago I was doing Tae Kwondo with the same guy's girlfriend. I have also kicked her in the head.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005
So, last night I was watching the CBC. They have this-three part show called Sin City or Sinful Cities or whatever. Generally, I love televised documentaries. I can't rip myself away. There is something about the tone of the voice over, mixed with the flashing of historical footage, and complimented by bits of information history would rather we forgot that just lulls me into an immobile mass on the couch.
Anyway, last week the show was on Paris. I only watched part of it because 1. everyone knows that Paris was a den of debauchery - Henry Miller lived there, he's a famous pervert, and 2. it was still the national auditions for American Idol and people were still making fools of themselves on TV.
Well, this week they did Berlin, and I don't really know a lot about Berlin and the American Idol auditions are now in the second round so it's boring. Berliners in the 1920's were filthy! I was shocked to find out that they had a special street for pregnant prostitutes and that the women lined up based on how pregnant they were. Also, I learned that Marlaina Detrich gave the best oral in the world. How do they know that? Who did they poll?
What was most interesting was how the rise of Nazism effected Berlin and what happened to the cities 'sinfulness' when Grobels moved there to secure the city for Hitler (he hated Berlin for it's cosmopolitan freedom). Artists and what society calls 'sexual deviants' always stand in opposition to oppressive powers. But the Nazi's were freakish, so they fled.
Man, that was some good TV.
Tuesday, February 08, 2005
So, this morning I went to the YMCA. I fought through the rain because I thought that if i decided not to go because of the rain I am on a slippery slope to laziness, eventual morbid obesity and guest spot on Maurey Povich. I am very proud of myself for braving the rain and making it to the YMCA. Predictable the moment I got to the gym the scary woman on the treadmill saw me and her eyes like lasers bored into my forehead. I looked back at her and managed to crack a feeble smile. The kind of smile that says 'yes, we both come to the gym in the mornings but I don't really care to know who you are.' You know, a real polite smile. She continues to stare me down.
I'm at a loss. What do I do here?
So, I hop on a treadmill three spots away from the scary woman and start running. Then one of my worst pet peeves happened. I really smelly guy gets on beside me. Not only is he smelly but he is a real loud breather and he pushes out these huge gusts of air from his mouth that come rushing by me like a gale force wind. It's disgusting. As he flaps his arms like some sort of weird bird the entire treadmill area is being saturated with his stench, which his gusty breath is pushing more and more to my direction. Why can't grown adults just wear deodorant? Why does this man think it's OK to bring his stench to a public place?
Now I'm safe at my office, but the people at Tim Horton's put too much sugar in my coffee, so what started as bad coffee has just turned into really sweet bad coffee.
Monday, February 07, 2005
So, my mom got an award on the weekend from this organization called the TNT Eagles. She got the award for all the work she does in the community, which is a lot. I went to the ceremony along with my sister, and four of her sisters. My family can get a little out of hand when they are together. Part way through the afternoon they started to sing along with one of the performers who was doing his rendition of “The Great Pretender”. They were singing in unison and swaying to the music. It’s too bad we didn’t have a whole table to ourselves because the two people sitting with us – who had met us for the first time – were a little surprised not only by the singing, but by the constant running commentary throughout the ceremony. They have an opinion on everything.
The ceremony’s MC was Harold Hussein. He was cheesy, but it was nice to see him there. There was another distinguished guest, Ben Johnson. He wore a long lilac blazer. Lookin’ good. I don’t care what anyone says, Ben Johnson is the fastest man in the world. No one has run the 100 meters that fast. Yeah, he was hopped up on steroids, but they all are. So, my aunt looks at Ben Johnson and says to me “There’s your boyfriend.” Funny.