Prattle on
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
So, on Monday evening I went to my capoeira class for some exercise. It is pretty obvious why the majority of the people in that class go and why we keep coming back. The instructor is probably the best looking man I have ever seen in Montreal. I’m not joking and I would post his picture on this blog if I didn’t think there is a slim chance that I would get caught. There is a picture of this dude floating around the internet in front of a Brazilian waterfall wearing nothing but a pair of white spedos and a smile. Sometimes, when I am bored in the office, I look at the photo and think about how happy my mother would be if I were to bring that specimen home with me for Christmas. All she wants for Christmas is a handsome son-in-law.

He is so handsome I want to write a letter to him, and I think it would go something like this:

Dear Capoeira Instructor,

You must get a lot of attention and I am sure I am not the first woman to put her feelings down on paper where you are concerned, but I have to tell you, I cannot help myself. Generally good looks are not enough to make me cross a room, but you are in a whole different category, and if I can’t approach you to talk it is only because upon seeing you I go weak in the knees and my legs fail to sustain my weight. I don’t faint at the site of you. It is more of an all over body collapse.

When I first saw you, in that first class I took, I was confused. I looked around the room and no one else seemed to notice that you were perfection personified doing complex movements in a display of bare strength and superhuman agility. How could they have missed it? How could they not be moved by the fluid movements of the omni-sexual masterpiece stretching by the mirrors? The answer is, they are moved but their awe has forced them into silence. Yours is the beauty that dare not be spoken.

Now that you see me at least twice a week, we talk and laugh and I see that when you relax, your personality is golden. The joker you are while we are sparring is actually a glimpse of your true nature. Also, I have heard you singing those weird capoeira songs and I am impressed that you can hold a tune. You speak three languages and sometimes, while standing in front of you, I can’t even string together a coherent sentence. You must think the world is full of idiots.

I know for a fact that you spend the vast majority of your time training or teaching. Your dedication to sport added to that terrible outfit I saw you wearing a couple weeks ago probably means that you don’t have a girlfriend. I would love for you to pick me. But, I think it would do a disservice to the community. While you would certainly be better dressed, I can’t imagine that I would ever let you get out of bed. I simply can’t let the city survive without your beauty.

Capoeira instructor, you have been nothing but respectful to me, and the whole class. You are never too friendly and you avoid talking about your personal life. Although you could, you never use your good looks to your advantage. And for that, I thank you, because, if you wanted to, you could have each and every one of us. You could play with our hearts and confuse us and frankly, Capoeira is hard enough.

Yours in Fitness,

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