Prattle on
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
So, last night GRC got back from Mexico. Amazingly, she actually has a tan. For those of you who don’t know GRC in person, the woman is white as a sheet. She is almost transparent. GRC is so white that she has been known to spend time in tropical climates and come back marginally off-white. Well, this time she is almost as dark as your standard rubber band. OK, I just looked at a rubber band and I think I am over-stating. Anyway, she is back, a tanned goddess.

It’s great to have her back, because now I can complain about boys full-time. Last night I filled her in on the local dramatic man-gossip I have been collecting from my friends. The sheer volume of ridiculous stories caused me to suggest to her that men have actually started speaking Esperanto. They often say one thing, but what they are trying to express has absolutely nothing to do with what they mean. So, “I’ll call you” actually means “See you later, maybe” , “I can’t wait to see you again,” means “I will now vanish like Kaiser Soze in The Usual Suspects,” and “I’d love to spend more time with you” actually translates to “You can buy personal training sessions at a discount.”

Now, I was under the impression that Esperanto was an almost dead language of the Planes Indians in what is now the American Mid-West. Well, as it turns out I was wrong. Esperanto is actually a language made up by this Polish Doctor guy who wanted to create an easily understood universal language – a lingua Franca for the whole world. What a dream. Mind you, the words were all based in European romance languages and had those grammatical structures. So, Esperanto was just as difficult to learn as most languages. Good try. However, the more I think about it the more I realize that men are indeed speaking Esperanto! They use words that sound like English; I am convinced they think they are being clear. But in actuality their words have completely different meanings, and there is no way we can understand them.

How are men and women supposed to communicate? This is why I have just decided to start relying TOTALLY on body language. While it is just as misleading as Esperanto it’s WAY more fun. I figure that if we are going to be lead down the garden path, then we should at least have a good time while we loose our way.

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