Thursday, November 03, 2005
So, there is a massive spider living between the two glass panes in my living room window. When I say it is massive, please know that I am not exaggerating. Dude is large enough to have developed vocal cords. It may start talking to me. I could name it and call it my pet, but as you can probably tell, I am not interested in having a spider as a pet, especially one so large. Generally, I despise the “damsel in distress” routine, but this is an emergency. I called the bf and told him all about the giant spider. My trash talking has come back to haunt me. Apparently, if I’m so tough I can kill the spider myself.
Yesterday, I told my friend about the spider over email. She will, for the purposes of this blog, be known as Evil Pam. Evil Pam suggested, “the spider may work it’s way into your apartment and” … now just imagine … “crawl into bed with you.” Thanks Evil Pam, thanks a lot. I woke up on the hour, every hour and stumbled over to the window to check that the spider was still sealed safely between the two panes. Actually, sometimes all I had to do was sit up in bed and look. The spider was back lit from the street lamp and cast an ominous shadow on the sheer window covering.
This morning, at about 5:00 AM I noticed that my Tony Soprano spider had taken over the territory on the other half of the window. I think it is gonna try to take over my apartment. Also, I think it grew over night. Looking at it before I left for work, I noticed four different shades of brown and … gulp … hair.
Since my first target didn’t respond to my “help me I’m just a girl” routine, I have to see if it works on someone else. I got two people to choose from: Downstairs Dean. He is a large patient man who would help me. If he’s not home, I’ll try Tall Guy Chris, who lives next door. If neither of those guys will help, it’s me. Alone. With the spider. Folks, if you don’t hear from me tomorrow, it will be because the giant spider has wrapped me up in its silken web and is waiting for me to die so it can feed me to it’s young.
Well, the spider probably also has a large brain. He’ll probably dress up in my clothes and come to my office and then attack everyone here. For the love of humanity, this spider must die.