Prattle on
Monday, January 30, 2006
So, it’s 6:27 AM and I am sitting in the wireless hot spot zone in the Jet Blue terminal at JFK airport. I have been here since 5:45AM. I am waiting for a flight to Burlington Vermont. Can someone tell me that why is it that this airport is packed and cell phones have been ringing off the hook since I arrived here? Also, can someone explain why it is that the Jet Blue terminal, which I am sure is above ground, is lit like a sub basement? Where are the windows? My flight leaves in three hours. So I have got three more hours in this cell phone infested sub basement. It is terrible here.

Or perhaps I am in a miserable mood. I am very tired. I think I am loosing an entire day in travel. I don’t know how I will keep my head straight after today. Why? Because my co-worker found the cheapest flight imaginable to San Francisco, $59.00. Seriously, I got to San Francisco for $59.00 US dollars each way. That is practically free. Here’s the rub. The flight leaves from Burlington, Vermont. So we had to get to Burlington to get flights that connect through JFK. Then, at the last minute, my co-worker decided to spend an extra week in Los Angeles. She drove to the airport in Burlington, so I will be taking the bus back to Montreal for two and a half hours. Yes, folks it is a bit of a shit show.

After the trip I had, I just really need to rest. The conference was interesting (see below for a description of what the conference was actually about). But, I think that the members of American media who were there (the vast majority of the attendees) think us Canadians are functional booze-hounds. Especially since some of our publications got a lot of attention at the conference, yet we were always hung-over.

For me, all the damage happened on Friday night. A friend of mine who actually lives in San Francisco took me to a German restaurant where they pour beer down your throat and sit you with people you don’t know. The people we sat with took one look at us and said “Hey, the beer is on us, don’t you worry about a thing.” After dinner, they took us to a bar where they insisted on buying more beer. They went home and we went to another bar where a couple we had met earlier bought us cocktails because what I needed at that point was a drink called “afternoon delight.” I literally fell into my hotel room after 3:00AM.

I was better behaved the last night (which is actually two nights ago as I have been in transit since 9:00PM Sunday night and I haven’t slept so I have had an extra long day. A day that is actually two days), which wasn’t too difficult considering how much I had to drink the night before. I did have enough to drink, but thankfully, I was sober enough to refrain from proposing a perfect storm with the two waiters at the taco restaurant on Polk Street. Next time, boys!

I got back to the hotel at about 12:30AM – very respectable. But, I woke up during what I thought was an earthquake. It was a reasonable thought as I was in San Francisco, and the clock radio was slowly moving across the night table getting dangerously close to the edge. I was wrong, as I soon found out. My neighbours were having a great time and the sheer force of their bed ramming against the hotel wall pulled me out of my slumber and endangered the life of simple hotel electronics.

Speaking of sex, here at JFK airport a lot of people take advantage of the wireless internet. Those of us with a MAC utilize our iTunes while dicking around on the internet to drown out the cell phones and Kenny G collection. So, now, in my shared music there are two collections “Kayla is Hot’ and “Yo Mamma’s Music.” I haven’t looked at Kayla’s selection as yet, but Yo Mamma has a special list just titled “Sex.” Sadly there are only eight songs. Tragically, that short list of songs includes “Heaven in a Place on Earth” and “Danger Zone.” Now that is special.

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